4 months had passed by from last miscarriage, I was busy with hula practice, learning new baking skills, crocheting new amigurumi toys and creating new crochet mermaid tails for friend’s new born as a gift. It’s never easy not to think about the little angels who had left. The hole in the heart is deep and dark, and I simply try to fulfill the time with various projects so I will not circle myself with all the sadness.

Multiple miscarriages is hard. It often brings out the question of why and how to stop it, but, the truth is, sometimes, there is no answer.

After the sudden change in our life due to hubby’s health condition and chemo treatment, we stop trying for a while as getting hubby to be health is the top priority now. The scar of losing babies are there, but we never try to forget about it because it’s part of the our life and it will always be. We move on together and count our blessings in many different ways.

黯淡的情人節過了之後，雖然心情還是無法平復但總是要回到現實，日子還是要過，班還是要上。三月的春假過後總覺得自己哪裡不對勁，皮膚過敏的狀況日益嚴重，除了原來脖子附近的小紅點點外，慢慢著擴大到手臂和手背上，雖然盡力不去抓但是有時候真的受不了就手賤得愈抓愈紅…. 因為也擔心自己是否可能又懷孕，再還沒有確認的狀況下也不敢亂吃過敏藥物深怕會影響可能在肚子裡的小寶。

孩子正在午睡, 難得的星期一下午我正在家裡工作 ～

想起去年大約是這個時候發現懷孕的， 看到驗孕棒上的二條線時,，心裡其實緊張比高興還要多上好幾倍！這是第六次懷孕了，總是覺得不踏實，每次的喜悅老是不超過十個星期。

細細數著自己這近五年來的求子歷程，比搭太空船還要刺激。